Transforming despair into good trouble
They didn't know we were seeds
This June: In the Luminary Braintrust, we’re hosting a 6-part series on how to stop sabotaging your own activist intiatives, free to the public. Expect more frequent emails through this series in June. We’ll return to weekly updates in July.
Hey friends,
When life gets obscenely horrific, truly traumatic - what’s your response?
Do you shut down, hide under the covers to binge Parks & Rec?
Do you get irritable, fury-clean the house, and lash out at your kids for spilling cereal all over the floor?
Do you kick into action and ‘become the helper’ that Mr. Rogers told us to look out for?
We were raised to value one of these as the One Right And Productive Way To React In Crisis. I know you which one you want to do.
I could tell you one of these will move the long arm of history toward justice. Or how to optimize the limited minutes in your day to help the maximum number of children flee Gaza. Or which one makes you a ‘good’ parent.
But that’s bullshit.
There is no one right way to respond to something this horrific.
Whether you are being directly targeted, or experiencing secondary trauma as a bystander or accomplice - the only thing you can do right now is find five minutes of safety, process what’s going on, and collect enough of your marbles to make a decision on what to do next.
The world is shitty and people keep doing terrible things. WE keep doing terrible things.
These are the cracks let the light in - but it’s your choice on what you use that light for.
But I get it. We are creatures under capitalism and supremacy culture. Plus - you’re wound up too tight to think straight.
Right now ::checks watch:: you don’t have time for RESTING or I dunno, SCREAMING YOUR HEAD OFF IN ANGUISH. It’s just not in the cards for you between meetings, appointments, deadlines, school pickup, karate drop-off, dinner, and bedtime. Repeat.
So let’s meet you where you’re at. My friend Nat of Come Back to care can help you process guilt-free and productively in under a minute - while cleaning up after dinner.
… AND, as Nat would reassure you with more helpful compassionate therapist smarts - if you need to move this sh*t through your head in a way that doesn’t comply with capitalism and care work - that’s okay too!
That’s why you need brilliant friends like Nat.
The next part is why you need brilliant friends like me.
Now that you’re (less) freaked out - what’s your next step?
To be hoenst - I don’t really care how you process your trauma.
I’m not here to judge you, guide you, or make you feel any type of way about how you do self-care. All I care about is that you process your shit AND you don’t use your care work as an excuse to stay complicit in this bullshit.
I just want you to be okay. Because I need you to be okay if we’re going to smash the kyriarchy together.
We can’t succeed in keeping our kids safe if your kids aren’t safe.
No matter what fresh horrors pop up, your kids still need to eat. You need to pay your bills. You’re busy with time-sucking meetings, and you’re preoccupied with that leaking pipe or clogged filter that is probably growing black mold and also you forgot to…. ugh - FOCUS!
So while yes you could drop everything and chain yourself to a tank or cash out your retirement to rescue a family of six fleeing Gaza, that is just not going to happen. On top of that, it’s a distraction from the most impactful things you’re capable of contributing.
What you really need is a long-term, sustainable way to survive under capitalism, be a decent parent, and solid help making sense of the ten-thousand terrible decisons ahead of you.
I’m the friend who helps you hold space for all of this while ALSO pushing for change.
“Okay Ashia, I’ll listen to Nat’s podcast and find a therapist and save up then one day I’ll join you for….”
NO! Stop procrastinating!
“So you want me to do even MORE?!?! Show up more, volunteer more, donate more, focus on more people?”
Obviously not. Cut it out. Stop twisting the message to excuse inaction.
You over-spending yourself creates another problem we have to deal with
I’m tired of cleaning up after guilt-driven saviors who smash in like the kool-aid-man to gum up the works.
I’m sick of scattered advocates micro-managing, over-volunteering, and then failing to follow-through, leaving the rest of us to scramble.
I’m so very DONE with self-proclaimed allies huddled in book clubs and non-profits, promising some day - when the time is right and we have just a little bit more time/bandwidth/ sponsorship - we will actually do what we promised!
No dammit, stop all this complicit busywork nonsense.
We need you to join us - really actually truly join us in interdependent, sustainable, collective action. We need folks working intentionally to abolish the kyriarchy.
No more sacrificing yourself and your family as fuel to keep the system running. None of us is safe until all of us are safe. That means you, too.
Focusing our sputtering floodlights into kyriarchy-destroying laser-beams
Seriously - you don’t have to make this so freaking hard. You don’t have to (actually, you can’t) create a revolution alone. Working harder, longer, caring more - this is not going to work.
Our Summer Collective crew are dedicated to helping you integrate parenting, activism, and your career - without getting derailed by busywork and overwhelm.
Seriously - I just want you to get your shit together. I don’t care where you do it, or who you do it with.
If you haven’t been able to figure this out already, and if you don’t already have an effective crew to work on this with, come join our collective.
July 8th - August 16th we explore:
Practice to transform despair, overwhelm, and panic into good trouble
Self-pacing to support your career, community, and family without burning out
Recovery from spiraling, burning out, and sabotaging the people you care about
Modeling joyful activism for your kids so they don’t grow up resentful and miserable
How to unwind without emotional eating, consumerism, or doom-scrolling
Building real relationships and countering over-stimulation in the age of social media
And also it’s goofy, and fun, and we don’t take ourselves too seriously.
You will like it. Come join us.
The Raising Luminaries Summer Luminator Collective is a virtual 6-week experient where we transform overwhelm into deep, rippling impact. Spots are limited, but I won’t let cost, summer travel, or busy schedules be the barrier to joining us and I’ll flex your membership as needed.
Coming up next
In the Luminary Braintrust, we’re hosting a special series of articles on how to stop sabotaging your own activism, and we’ve decided to share it here for free in the Ignition Notes for everybody. Both because it’s important, but also, because it’s pretty fun.
So I’ll be emailing much more frequently in June before we return to weekly updates in July.
Meanwhile, stop making excuses and join the collective. I’ve made it so ridiculously easy to join us. You know you want to.
I knew you were going to do something amazing with this, but you have outdone yourself (or done exactly what you always do, which is always amazing). I'm going to vacuum the ants out of my kitchen and really feel the proprioceptive input, as Nat said. Then I'm going to get ready to make good trouble in the Summer Luminator!